I swear that most people hate Valentine’s Day. Which is awkward, seeing how it’s supposed to be all about the love and romance. Oh! The bitterness! Anyways, since I don’t want to turn this into another terse rant on the commercialized Hallmark holiday that is Valentine’s Day, I decided to have a guest post by my Facebook wife (for all of the addicted collegiate readers) Emily. So without further ado…Happy Valentine’s Day.
Having a woman write a Valentine’s Day post seems oddly appropriate. Nathaniel just doesn’t have the same faculty for feeling bitter as I do. Rightfully so, as he’s never sat crying over a bowl of Cocoa Puffs and a Lifetime movie (as far as I know) and I’m sure he’s never felt the cold, cold stare of a CVS cashier passing judgment as I purchase a box of tampons and three king sized Twix Bars. It’s just a woman thing, much like finding the perfect song to indulge a good heartbreak or two..or three..or eight.
So on to the wallowing! Watch your sorrow dance circles around the tiny shards of your broken heart!
[MP3] The Mountain Goats – Standard Bitter Love Song #4
Nothing gets me like John Darnielle asking me, “What have you done with our love?” Over and over. This swingin’ tune is off “The Hound Chronicles” cassette (yes, they do exist!) released in 1992.
[MP3] Paulson – My Funny Valentine
This Frank Sinatra cover gives the whole song a different feel. Did you think this tune was romantic? Not anymore. Never has Ole Blue Eyes sounded so bitter. Thanks Paulson! We all love some midtempo rock!
[MP3] The Magnetic Fields – A Chicken With It’s Head Cut Off
Practically the masters of the (anti)love song, The Magnetic Fields said it perfectly when they declared that “We don’t have to be stars exploding in the night”, rather, “Let’s just be lovers?” Oh, but it’s never that simple!
[MP3] Alanis Morissette – You Oughta Know
The First Lady of bitter singing about Uncle Joey! Nothing says romantic like Dave Coulier getting sucked off in a movie theatre. Seriously guys, Valentine’s Day is incomplete without a little Alanis.
[MP3] Songs: Ohia – Peoria Lunch Box Blues
The only way to be truly, deeply and disturbingly sad on a day like today is to spend it playing country music. Who better to turn to than Songs: Ohia? Anyone who can say “Everything you love tries to get away” with a straight face deserves a pat on the back from me. So true, Songs: Ohia, so true.
So there is this year’s addition of V-Day, like D-Day but more blood. I sincerely hope that everyone’s hearts are drenched in bitterness and that the day isn’t that painful. Big thanks to my personal Valentine, Emily who pretty much hand picked her own (estrogen) influenced songs.
Until next year, you Hallmark bastards..